Colors

My heart is at a constant dilemma. Sometimes I feel so sure of what I want, but I’m changing so much as a woman. Being single is always a battle of thinking you want companionship, but the shield of protecting your heart. I tried turning away from love for a long time. I believe I’m at the point where I’m very close to being in love. My feelings for this person has grown a lot this year. The blushing hasn’t stopped since we met. Our time spent together is heavily valued. We “get” each other.

He values my smile, body, my constant yearning for peace. He’s the calm to my storm. He’s the band-aid to the BS I go thru on the daily basis. He nurtures me. When we spend time, all caos ceases. He is peace. He is serene.

The love that I want has to be somewhere between dreaming and reality, sleep and awake…that special moment of bliss….but more constant. I want to see things in different views. Like I don’t want to see the sky as just blue or grey I don’t want to see the grass as just green. Sometimes, having someone who embodies everything you are appreciate things about life makes life that much more grand.

No, I’m not hungry for love. When it happens, it will be. But this is what I would like for it to be. A special color, but indescribeable…if that makes sense to you.

Sorry…

…but i will be doing blogs again soon!! Bare with me good people 🙂

A Man’s Dilemma

“I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don’t want a girl, I want a girl who understands that
And that’s some hard shit to explain
To a woman that’s in love with you, it’s a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
…That I don’t wanna play around, but I don’t wanna settle down
And that’s a man’s dilemma”

Reggie wrote this the other day on his Facebook status…and I felt it. I understand that even when it seems that a person wants what they want WHEN they want it……what else are they supposed to go by??? Should you make yourself adapt to a life that you dont want to satisfy someone elses wants??? NO!!!!! Its ok to not know what you want at times. Its the beginnings of finding what you want. Simply put! Why pressure yourself, knowing that its not what you want? Why let someone else pressure you to want something you can’t or wont motivate yourself to do????

I guess this can be a woman’s dilemma as well. If you don’t want a relationship, fine! I don’t want a relationship, but at times I get in my moods where I miss the companionship. The last thing I will do is have a man thinking I want them on that level, then hurt their feelings in the long run.

But then…you have people who catch feelings…even though they were aware that you didn’t want anything serious. That’s always a problem. SMH!!!

On some real shit, I just want a boyfriend between the hours of 9pm and 5am right now. *shrugs*

(Update: I really don’t just want a sex partner…I want a relationship…..eventually….I guess!!!!)

Truth

“The truth is never absent. always twisted, sometimes hushed, sometimes forbidden, but NEVER absent.”

One of my favorite quotes. Some things are inevitable, but our dumb asses don’t want to accept it. We make ourselves believe what we want or what we think is right….straight up fooling ourselves. We want so badly to feel like we have all the answers, or we’ve been through enough to come up with a method to our OWN madness. I am one of those people at times…I can admit that. Hell, we ALL are!!! But I just wanted to share that quote with you guys! Peace, Love, and Light!!!

Ciao 😉

Another Tweet

I should go on and make a section in my blog, or a seperate blog called “The Twitter Chronicles”. On Twitter, (well, at least with the folks I converse with), you will read the most random, funny, realistic shit on the planet.

So, tonight’s topic is something I read that states: “You’re not a lesbian because you like pussy. You’re a lesbian because there’s no man that likes YOUR pussy”.

I DIED a thousand times!!!!

Now, as ignorant as that tweet was….there are people who believe that. Like, isnt being lesbian being a woman who prefers what she likes, rather than someone feeling obligated to ‘convert’ because her cookies may be bad??? I’m sure there are lots of women who has some good Ja Ja but she doesn’t like being with men. AND there are plenty of women who can easily get a man, whether it be because her kitty is good, she has all the attributes a man looks for, or whatever….she still chooses to be with women!!!

People are nuts!!!

My Mother’s Day!

This is what 3 Long Island Iced Tea, 2 shots of Grey Goose and hours on the dance floor did to me:

(The chick with the contacts and greasy orange hair isn’t me. Im the one with the half open eyes and fluffy bangs)

So, it’s safe to say that I had a nice Mothers Day!!!!! 🙂

Best Cry EVER!!!!!

So, yea….I was on Twitter at 4:34am (nothing new right?) and Crumbs had me crying laughing at this video….

BWAAAAAAHH!!! EPIC!!

Thanks to @HellzYea for retweeting this Twitpic! I DIED several times!!!

Another quote: @joshyCOUTURE

Another tweet that stood out to me by a follower by the name of @joshyCOUTURE. For those who knows how it feels to be betrayed, hated on, and hurt understands this:
“i’d RATHER treasure✧ an enemy who [frankly] says they hate me than to keep f•r•i•e•n•d•s who’s *passion* is to put me ↓down↓ #secretly “

Baggage

Normally, the first thing people ask when meeting a potential mate is to not take their past situations out on them. Normally, its the woman who does it because we live and thrive on our emotions. Men do it, but not as often…(Unless they in some uber punk shit). People don’t intentionally throw their insecurities on others, but you can’t call yourself an adult and don’t acknowledge your flaws and insecurities.

On May 1st, I’ll be celebrating me being single for a year. As that day approaches, I can’t help but to be emotional…not just for my past relationship, but the ups and downs of dating, the *sometimes* lonely nights, and whatever.

Back to the topic: my insecurities are drastic, I can admit that, but if I told the average man about them, he would be shocked because I try not to take it out on everyone. I don’t wanna be a nervous wreck…thinkin every guy cheats…so I don’t.

When a guy has his insecurities…(And maybe its the ones I’ve come in contact with), but its like I’m always under a magnifying glass or walkin on eggshells. They will do whatever it takes to prevent going thru that pain again…even if it means pushing a woman away…..but as soon as a woman does that to a man, its a problem. The man doesn’t want “damaged goods” but its ok for him to treat her like that because why? He doesn’t want his masculinity to endure pain?? Its nature that the woman goes thru heartache and not a man?? Women are bitches when she does something wrong, but when a man does it, its normal??? Why??? Is it because in reality, men hurt more than women?

Let me know how yall feel…drop the comments

P.S. I decided not to date anymore. I’m done with this selfish behavior. It made me a pale white EMO girl tonight.

Ciao.